


Measures of Time

by Fishyz9



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 08:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2501558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishyz9/pseuds/Fishyz9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sonny is unfaithful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Measures of Time

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: There’s some speculation going around about a possible cheating storyline for Wilson *cries*. Well, I have no idea if that’s going to happen, I certainly don’t trust the spoilers we’re given as they’re rarely accurate, but if it was to happen, this is my take on it. Also, you should be aware that I hate Abi and it may come across in my writing, lol.

Measures of Time

I’ve gotten into the habit of putting on a DVD of Ari’s so that she has some happy background noise to listen to and some happy hippos or turtles or whatever the hell to look at instead of her morose daddy. I don’t want my mood to affect hers, especially when I am so unable to pull myself together right now.

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to see anyone. I want to be left alone. And luckily, my chosen profession is such that I can work from home and only have to really leave when we’re either low on supplies or if it comes to a point that I’m worrying about Ari not getting enough fresh air. That aside, I’m actually settling in nicely to my life as a shut-in.

I’m too embarrassed to face what might be out there and all the people that might know. I’m used to people looking at me with judgement in their eyes, but not when it’s to do with something so personal like this.

Two weeks. I left for two weeks and my life went to hell.

No decisions were made, I went to feel out an opportunity, something that might take me away from home every now and then to LA for the next six months or so.  I said yes initially because they wanted an answer there and then, but I didn’t sign anything so I knew that if Sonny was wholly against it I could just say that I’d changed my mind. He still took it badly, though. Even when I tried to explain that the life altering decision he thinks I made without him was not a decision at all and only a way to buy time so that I _could_ discuss it with him. All he saw me leaving and taking Ari with me.

He actually thought I’d do that. He thought I’d take his little girl away from him so that I could go play with the big boys in LA for six months. No. Why the hell would I uproot Ari from everything, everyone she knows just so I could try and make a name for myself in the industry? Her happiness is everything to me, and she would not be happy to sit with a babysitter, a _stranger_ most of the day while I worked. She would not be happy away from her Sonny-Bear. That was never even an option in my mind and frankly I was insulted that he even went there.

Gabi couldn’t do it, and after just two weeks away from my home, my husband, my daughter, I discovered that there was no way in hell I could do it either. I thought perhaps it would be different to when I left for the writing seminar in California last year, that I was more mature, that I could handle a little separation, that I should at least try to see if I could do this. That’s all it was. Two weeks to meet some people, shake some hands, a litmus test to see if Sonny and I could do this. The answer was no, we couldn’t. Only my reasoning was because I missed them too much, his was a little different. After just two weeks, after he so graciously encouraged me to follow my dreams he…

I don’t know how to say it. I never thought he could do anything like this. He’s too kind, too good, he…he loves me. Only me. I never thought he would hurt me like this, hurt _us_ , but he did.

He cheated.

He missed me so much, was so convinced that it was the beginning of the end that when someone – some random guy – offered him comfort, he cracked. Two weeks. That’s all it took.

I was right the first time. Marriage doesn’t work. People eventually betray people, no matter how good they are, no matter how precious they feel.  There’s no such thing as true love or fidelity or any of that other stuff. It doesn’t exist.

At least he didn’t try to get away with it. In fact I was barely home an hour before he broke down and told me. I knew something was wrong from the get go, you know? As soon as I stepped in through that door, my suitcase dropped at my feet, his greeting was forced, uncomfortable, his eyes guarded and unwilling to meet my own.

A hell of a difference from last year, that much I can say.

He cried. I tried not to. He reached for me, begging for forgiveness and I snatched my hand away like I was in pain. I _was_ in pain. We stayed up all night, arguing in hushed tones with him pacing back and forth across the living room carpet as he poured his heart out, and with me sitting on the sofa, my head in my hands, unable to look at him, unwilling to let him near me.

Eventually he realised that he was the only one talking, that I had been silent for some time and had in fact caved in on myself, and when he knelt in front of me and gently tilted up my chin I couldn’t hide my tears of the downward shape of my lips. I couldn’t hide my devastation. Any more words of apology died on his lips and his heart broke before me when he saw the damage he caused to us, to me.

I went to bed, and that’s exactly where I go when Ari sleeps. I move her crib into my room during the day – _my_ room now – so that when it was time for her to nap I could finally crawl into the sheets I can’t bring myself to change less they lose my cheating husband’s sent, and I curl up and try not to think about anything.

He left after that first night to ‘give me space’. I haven’t seen him since. No texts, no calls, nothing. I don’t know where is he is, who he’s with, or if he’s ever coming back. I have no idea what happened to my life or what I did to bring this on myself and now I’m stuck, waiting for whatever happens next to just happen already.

Two weeks away from Salem and then another two weeks away from my husband. A month ago my life was…it wasn’t perfect by any means, but I was in love. I thought my husband loved me. We were dealing with the next crisis, we were together. Now…now I don’t know what we are. Is he thinking about me right now? Does he think of me at all? Is he with...?

I may not have heard from him but I know that the word is out.  Texts from Marlena, Adrienne, even Abi. I don’t answer any of them and I sure as hell don’t answer the door when they knock. I know I’m being a coward but I just need…I need a minute to figure out how to be okay, and I’m not there yet. I can’t be okay yet because Sonny may not love me, may regret ever marrying, may be with someone else right now. That’s a thing, a possibility that actually exists now, and I can barely breathe at the thought of it let alone talk about it.

I’m going to have to figure out how eventually, because she has noticed her papa’s absence. Two weeks without her daddy and now two weeks without her papa. She deserves so much better than this but I don’t know how to make it better. How do I tell my daughter that her papa, he beloved Sonny-Bear went away because of me? How do I tell her that her papa doesn’t want to be here anymore because of her daddy? This isn’t fair to her. Whatever he thinks of me I know he loves her and I can barely believe that he’s managed to stay away from her for so long.

Perhaps that’s what he thought when I left for LA.

There’s a knock at the door again and I cringe. I haven’t even opened the curtains. I haven’t spoken to anyone in what feels the longest time and my daughter is starting to feel like my hostage. I know I should answer the door but getting off the sofa to walk to the front door seems like too much effort.

I’m startled when I hear a key turn in the lock and the door begins to open.

“Hey,” I sit up on the couch, beginning to stand. “What the hell—?”

Abi opens the door, peeking her head around it first before closing it behind her. Great.

“Will,” she says carefully in greeting.

“When did you get a key?” My conversation skills may require some fine-tuning.

She looks at the key in her hand before sliding it into her pocket. “Sonny gave me a copy when you left so I could get in and out with Ari while he was at work.”

I don’t know why but something ugly begins to curl up in my stomach.  “I guess the two of you make quite the team.”

She frowns at me. “What does that mean?”

Ari begins to babble beside me, pointing at Abi, so I bend to pick her up and set her on my hip. “Forget it,” I mumble, carrying Ari over to the kitchen for her juice bottle.

“You’ve been ignoring my texts.”

“We’re not exactly close you and I, now are we?”

She drops her gaze. “I guess not, but I think…well, considering what’s going on maybe I could set my personal feelings aside.”

“How big of you.”

“Really, Will? That’s how you talk to me?”

“Why are you here, Abi? Because I certainly didn’t invite you over.”

“Or anyone else.”

“I’m not in the mood for company.”

“That’s not really fair to Ari.”

“She has her daddy, she’s fine.”

“And her papa?”

I have to look away. I hate her for going there, for daring to try and talk to me about this. I force my words to come out levelly. “I didn’t tell him stay away. I didn’t tell him to leave.”

“Will,” she says softly, sounding like the cousin I used to know. “You’re hurting right now; I see that, I can hear it in your voice.”

I sit back on the couch with Ari in my lap, and I try to ignore how Ari looks around me at her godmother. “Go away.” I whisper.

“Oh, Will…”

“We’re not friends; I’m not talking to you about this.”

She sits next to me anyway. “Then just pretend we are, because shutting yourself away like this isn’t good for you or her.”

“I take her out to the park, I push her on the swings, she gets her fresh air, she’s fine.”

“She needs interaction, just like anyone else.”

“Don’t tell me how to be a parent. Don’t talk like you have any authority where she’s concerned because you don’t. You don’t have a child of your own, you’re not a mother, so stop talking like you know what’s best for my kid.”

“I may not be a _mother_ , Will, but I am her godmother and I know her pretty damn well.”

I stand and put Ari in her playpen because one? I don’t want to be sitting next to Abi right now, and two? I don’t want Abi near Ari.

“That’s right, you’re her godmother, a title her _actual_ parents gave you, not something you are _entitled_ to.”

She sighs and drags her hand across her forehead. “You need to get over this…this _ego_ of yours.”

“Excuse me?” I sputter.

“This determination of yours to establish a hierarchy where Ari is concerned—”

I take two quick steps towards her, pinching my thumb and forefinger together while gritting my teeth.  “Get this through your head right now. I am the ultimate authority when it comes to that little girl. You get no say, no place in her life unless I say so and I and getting sick and tired of you assuming otherwise.”

“Oh, you’re the _ultimate_ authority?”

“She has three parents. One of them is in prison. The other is god knows where and with god knows who, and then there’s me. That’s it. This is not an ego trip, this is a father telling you to back off because you are not only being obnoxious but you are overstepping your bounds. You are not a parental figure, you are not essential to her wellbeing, and right now you are not welcome in her life at all.”

She puts her hands up quickly, palms out. “Okay, okay, I… _dammit_ , Will. This was not…I came here to check on her and comfort you, believe it or not.”

“And now you’re done, time to leave.”

“You can’t just shut off the world! You’re still my cousin and…and I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to insinuate that that I’m anything other than a concerned godmother. I just…I’ve seen how devastated Sonny is so I knew that you had to be in a rough way…”

I turn away from her and begin to pick up Ari’s toys. “I’m doing just fine.”

“No, you’re in pieces, Will.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Well you haven’t given me much of a choice seeing as you won’t answer the door to anyone else and I’m the only one with a key.”

I whirl around, my voice raising and breaking with emotion. “ _He_ has a key!” I quickly wipe the back of my hand under my nose and swallow hard. “He has a key but he’s chosen to stay away!”

“Because he’s terrified of saying the wrong thing and pushing you away for good! You’re his world, Will; he’s a wreck without—”

“Don’t! Just…just shut up!”

“I am a wreck without you.”

Both our heads snap around to the front door where Sonny stands, his hand resting on the handle. I immediately look away from him, my heart pounding and my stomach turning over because despite having missed him dreadfully for two weeks I am not even close to knowing what to say to him.

The room goes quiet. My mouth slams close and I turn away from them both to fold something of Ari’s—her blanket.

“Abi, could you leave us?” I hear Sonny ask softly.

There’s a pause before she answers, but she’s talking to me, not him. “Will, give him a chance.”

“Don’t talk to me like that, like I’ve been unreasonable.” I turn to look at them both. “I’ve made no demands for him to stay away, that was his decision and this is nothing to do with you.”

“Will,” he says softly, his warm brown eyes pleading with me and infuriating me. “She’s only trying to help.”

I look between them and I feel my mouth curl into a disgusted sneer. It’d probably be more effective if there weren’t tears welling up in my eyes. “I guess cheaters stick together, huh?”

Sonny’s eyes fills with shame and a deeply unhappy expression crosses his face as he drops his gaze. Abi’s expression only hardens.

“Here we go again.” She says.

“Stop it,” Sonny says quietly, his shoulders slumping. “Just…leave him alone.”

“No. I am not going to listen to mister sanctimonious yet again—”

“Do you have any idea how ironic that is coming from you?!” I laugh humourlessly.

“I did not _cheat_!” She spits out at me.

“No, you just screwed your cousins’ daddy and ruined their last few months together before he died!” I angrily throw down Ari’s blanket and ignore Sonny’s look of horror. “I guess that makes you a home wrecker instead of a cheater, my mistake!”

“Oh, unbelievable!” She yells, ignoring Ari’s whimpering. “It’s unbelievable that you have the nerve to pass judgment on me after what you wrote—”

“Oh my…” my squeeze my eyes close in frustration for a second before I erupt on her. “Get over it! Just get over being called out for the _disgusting_ thing you did because I’m done apologising for what was an _accident_ when you deserved so much worse!”

“The both of you! Stop it!”

I ignore him. “Maybe you and Sonny’s _toy boy_ should go out for a beer and exchange notes on how to break up a family!”

“Goddammit, Will!” Sonny says, exasperated.

“Oh you are something else,” she says, swiping her hair out of her face. “You are…” She looks me up and down. “You know what you are? You’re a coward. You’re a pathetic coward. No wonder Sonny went looking for something else the second you were gone, you’re an embarrassment.”

I feel myself flinch and silence quickly fills the room. Sonny looks at her, aghast. “I can’t…why would you ever…?” he says, shaking his head at her.

I lift a trembling hand to wipe away the dampness I feel on my cheek, but it’s over. Both of them are looking at me while I’m at my worst, at my most vulnerable, and it’s the most exposing, sickening feeling I’ve ever known. Sonny approaches me slowly, his hand reaching for my cheek.

“No,” he whispers. “Don’t, that’s not—”

I push his hand away, shying away from him before turning to Abi who looks a little shell-shocked herself. She snaps out of it when walk up to her, taking her arm so to turn her and reach into her coat pocket.

“What are you…? Get off of me!”  She pulls away from me just as I pull the key out of her pocket.

“Get out.” I say to her. “You are no longer my daughter’s godmother, and you are no longer welcome in this house.”

She lets out a loud exhale, looking disbelievingly between Sonny and me. “You can’t…you can’t just…”

“Yes I can. You will not come near my daughter or this house again, understand? You are no longer a part of my life; therefore you are no longer a part of hers. You are officially _nothing_ to her.”

Her expression crumbles and she glances at Sonny for help but his expression is stone cold, there is no help coming her way after throwing him under the bus so heartlessly.

“That isn’t fair,” she says quietly.

“I told you to get out, and don’t act like you’ve lost something because you haven’t; she was never yours, you never had her.”

I hear her leave but I don’t watch because my concern is now with my crying daughter. I pick her up out of her play pen for a cuddle, but she immediately struggles and holds her arms out for Sonny. I look at him and I can tell that he’s itching to hold her by the way he’s watching at her. Instinct is telling him to reach for her, but there’s hesitancy in his eyes when he looks between us.

I swallow hard, and having nothing else to lose I simply walk over to him and hand her over. “She wants you.”

He gratefully holds her close, shushing her and murmuring papa-type things. I wonder into the kitchen and pull a beer from the fridge and then take a seat at the table and stare at it, waiting for him to be done so I can be alone again.

“I’m going to go put her down.”

I don’t answer him, I only reach for my beer and twist off the cap. When he comes back he stands opposite me nervously before he pulls out a chair and sits. “Will…she was wrong, so very wrong.”

“Your beloved cousin.”

“Not right now, she’s not.”

“Whatever,” I whisper, taking another swig.

“I have always been proud of you.”

“I don’t care.” I say, willing my voice not to crack.

“I didn’t go looking—”

“ _Right_ ” I grunt with disgust, my eyes closing. “It just happened did it? I mean that’s what cheaters usually say, right?”

His brows lift unhappily and he looks down at the table. “I hate that that’s what I am.”

“Me too.” I say unkindly.

“Will…after it happened?”

“Don’t.” I say quickly, standing and walking over to the sofa.

“Will, I have never hated myself more. I swear I…I don’t even…I wasn’t even _attracted_ to him….”

I sit there shaking my head, my hands creeping up over my ears. I look away when he sits down beside me, leaving a respectable amount of space.

“I don’t know why, but I had it in my head…I just had this certainty in my head that I was losing you, or that I’d already lost you.”

“I told you what it was, that no decisions were made, that I wouldn’t make any decisions without you.”

“I know what you said. But…”

“What?” I whisper, still unable to look at him.

“You wanted this new thing, I could see it. But the way I saw it? What I _felt_? It felt like you wanted it because it was not _us_. It was something completely new in your life, untouched by grief or pain. I could see in your eyes that you were excited, and that’s when I realised that excitement you felt had been missing for some time.”

“That’s not—”

“I mean, here I was, just… _so_ happy to be your husband. So happy with our life, despite the ups and downs, and then I realise that while I’m over here, as content as can be, you’re climbing the walls.”

“That is not even close to being true. If I was excited it’s because I saw an opportunity to move away from those stupid magazines, to do something good. Like how you feel about your club.”

“You’d been pulling away from me for a while, Will. And I get that you were overwhelmed, what with everything that happened, but…it just felt like you wanted out. I couldn’t get a minute alone with you, you didn’t want my comfort, I couldn’t… I couldn’t _reach_ you. Then when you said you were leaving for two weeks there was just this light in your eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. Like you’d seen a way out, and it didn’t involve me.”

We sit there quietly for a few moments before I find my voice again. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

He shrugs miserably. “Why didn’t you ever say anything when you felt insecure? People screw up, they get scared… _I_ got scared, and instead of talking to you I just let it go. I got quiet because I didn’t want to give you one more thing to think about, one more thing to worry about. You were already so stretched thin with your family, with those that needed you…”

“You’re my family too. Dammit, Sonny…”

“I know. I know, I’m sorry.”

I shake my head and wipe my hand over my mouth. “You actually made me believe that …that marriage was a real thing that worked for people who are meant to be together.”

“It _is_.”

“Six months. We lasted six months.”

“ _No_ ,” he lets out in a harsh whisper, shaking his head. I fight the urge to comfort him when a tear rolls down his cheek. “Don’t talk like that, _please_.”

“Like what?”

“Like we’re over. We can’t be, alright? We just can’t.”

“We can’t? Because you sleeping with someone else is a pretty clear message to me that you want out.”

“I don’t. I love you with all of my heart,” he chokes out. “ _Truly_. I loved you the second I saw you, and I will love you and no one else until the day I die, Will.”

I can’t look at him when he’s crying so I stand and pace away, crossing my arms and hunching in on myself. “Do I know him?” I whisper. “I don’t want to run into him. I couldn’t bear it.”

Sonny stands quickly, though he keeps his distance. “No. I didn’t know him either, and he’s already gone.”

I look at him, trying to sound unaffected but even I can hear how pathetically wounded I sound. “How many people know?”

He slides his hands into his pockets. “My folks, your family….mainly the people who have been blowing up your phone for the past two weeks. There are a lot of people who aren’t talking to me right now, and rightly so.”

“This is horrible.”

He nods. “I humiliated you. I am so sorry.”

I look at him. “You think I’m upset because this is embarrassing for me?”

He doesn’t answer.

“The person I trust most betrayed me. You…you went to bed with someone else…”

“It was just sex.” He whispers emptily.

I shake my head, frowning at him. “No. It’s…it’s too _intimate_ to ever just be sex…”

“With us, maybe.  But when it’s just for comfort’s sake. When it’s a desperate attempt to feel something other than fear and loss…” He dares to take a few steps closer to me dips his head to try and catch my gaze. “And that is my biggest fear; losing you.”

“I still don’t understand.” I say helplessly. “Even now, I…I can’t even contemplate touching someone else. I could never let anyone touch me how you do…”

He looks away again, ashamed.

I feel tears sting my eyes. “You don’t have that problem. Tell me—no. _Picture_ it, picture me letting some other guy undress me. Picture me putting my mouth on someone else. Picture me in _ecstasy_ while I let another guy—”

“ _Stop_! Just…stop.”

“Because that’s all I can see, Sonny. I try to remember your face when we were saying our vows, and instead I imagine you with someone else. I imagine you doing the things that are so private, so meaningful to only us but with some faceless guy, like I mean nothing at all.”

“You are everything. You’re _everything_ to me,” he says, his voice breaking.

I shake my head; I feel my lips pulling down at the edges even as I try to keep my composure. “You threw me away.”

“No,” he shakes his head, stepping forward and reaching for my hands, but I pull away.

“Why did you stay away for so long?”

“I didn’t think you’d want me here. I didn’t want you to hate the sight of me and tell me to leave.”

“So you left anyway?”

“To give you some breathing space, some time.”

“I didn’t ask for it. You know what I heard? I heard _I cheated, and now I want to get away from you_.”

“That’s not what it was, I…I didn’t want to screw up any worse than I already had…”

“Did you run out of clothes? Is that why you’re back? To do laundry?”

“I’m back because I can’t bear to be apart from my family, I can’t stand it.”

Something slowly dawns on me. “You don’t give a damn about me…this…this is about Ari, isn’t it?”

“What? _No_. I mean…yes, in part, but—”

“What I was saying to Abigail, that’s what you’re really afraid of, isn’t it?”

“I’m here because I’m your husband!”

I shake my head. “When I said that she was no longer a part of my life and that she was no longer a part of Ari’s…is that what you thought…did you actually think…?”

He lets out a heavy, frustrated sigh. “I admit, I…I don’t know where we stand. And if you were never to forgive me?  I don’t know what that would mean us as a family, but—”

“You’re her _father_.” I snap at him. “You don’t stop being her father just because you don’t…because you don’t…”

“Don’t you dare say it.” He warns me. “Don’t you dare say that I don’t love or want you.”

“I want you to leave.” I say, taking a big gulp of a breath.

“No. I won’t.”

“Then what? What do we do here? Do I leave? I can’t uproot Ari, but you pay the bulk of the bills here so I can’t throw you out either.”

“We work _through_ this,” he pleads. “That’s what.”

I shake my head. Turning away from him. “We’re married,” I mutter again and again. “We’re married.”

“Exactly,” he says.

“ _Exactly_!” I explode at him, unable to conceal the hurt I feel. “Do you know what a miracle that is? Two men married? No, forget the law, think of the convincing it took our families to get on board. Think of all those who sneered and said it wouldn’t last, you just proved them all right…”

“This does _not_ have to be the end of us. Please, Will…” He steps closer, crowding me against the wall, his fingertips against my cheeks…

“I asked if you were sure…” I choke out, unable to push him away and unable to stop the tears. “I gave you an out, I knew that I couldn’t keep you happy, I told you, and you still married me. You let me think I was enough…”

“You are, you’re all I ever wanted, you’re all I want…”

His lips against mine feel so natural, so second nature that to begin with it doesn’t even occur to me to push him away. I have never wanted to be comforted by him more than I do right now, but he’s also never been the reason why I need comforting before.

“Stop…” I whisper, pushing against his chest softly, and he does as he’s told.

He looks so sad. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, that I hurt us.”

“I don’t think I can get past this.”

“You don’t mean that,” he says, his heart breaking before me. “Please…”

“I never thought you’d do this, you were the one person, the one thing that made me feel safe…”

“I messed up, I know that. I hurt you in the worst way, but please don’t let this change what is supposed to be the rest of our lives. Please don’t forget who I am.” His fingers brush my cheek as a tear falls down his. “I’m your Sonny.”

I pull away from him a fraction. “I don’t know who you are.” I whisper.

His hand falls away and he takes a step backward. “So…so you’re happy to never see me again? You’re happy for us to not try and fix this, for us to no longer be a family?” He asks sadly.

I can’t answer him because the answer to that is a resounding no, but I can’t bring myself to say that to him.

“Do you really want me to go?”

Again, I can’t answer him. He waits, and when I say nothing he nods his head sadly, turns and walks towards the front door, his shoulders slumped. The moment his hand touches the handle I push way from the wall.

“ _Stop_.”

He head snaps around and he looks at me with a hint of hope. It takes me a few moments to say anything, and when I do it’s only one word. “No.”

“No?”

“No, I’m not okay with never seeing you again. I’m not okay with us not being a family.”

His hand slips away from the handle and he takes a few steps across the room towards me. “So…”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if we’re going to be okay or how to make this ok, but…at no point did I fall out of love with you, and I don’t want you to leave.”

He lets out a shuddering breath. “Then I won’t.”

It’s a painful evening that follows. One where we talk, but where nothing really feels resolved and everything still hurts. I ache to be close to him but no longer trust myself with him, and it is the most terrible, lonely feeling.

We have an awkward moment when we’re both tired and ready for sleep, but he immediately offers to bunk in with Ari where we have the spare bed. I reluctantly agree, only because I’m not ready to be anything close to intimate with him right now, but despite those feelings and thoughts, it’s midnight when I glance at the alarm clock, still awake, my heart sore.

I miss my husband, I miss him dreadfully, but I don’t know how to be near him. I climb out of the bed and tread quietly into the Ari’s room, opening the door slowly. He immediately rolls over as soon as the light from the hallway spills into the room.

“Will?”

“Sorry,” I whisper.

“No, it’s okay. I wasn’t asleep. Are you alright?”

I shake my head no, and to my utter annoyance I feel my tears pricking at my eyes again. “I can’t sleep.”

He leans up on his elbows. “Do you want me to make some coffee? We can talk?”

I switch the light in the hallway off and close the door behind me. I walk over to the bed and then pause there awkwardly. “It’s been a month by myself, and…I just can’t sleep without you anymore.”

“Does that mean you want me to come back—?”

“No.” I answer immediately, mindful of our sleeping daughter in her crib. “That’s our marriage bed. You can’t…not until…”

“I understand, Will. I get it.”

“But I can’t sleep in there either.”

When I pull back the sheets he instantly shifts, making room for me. I can sense his surprise, but that doesn’t stop me from climbing in. It’s cramped, being a single, but despite the past few weeks, despite everything that’s been said this evening, I need him close.

“Ca-can I….” He starts, and I nod my head. Seconds later I’m pulled against his chest and I let out a shuddering breath of relief. “Thank you.” He whispers, the emotion clear in his voice.

“This isn’t—”

“I know.” He says, holding me close and pressing his lips against my temple. “It’ll take time, but I will give you all the time I have. All the time in the world until it’s right.”

I fall asleep in my husband’s arms.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
